since i was very little, i have been raised with the idea that me and my brother were better than others. i didn't know what that "better" actually meant; but we were always told the details: that kids out age didn't usually understand this or that; or that we were to be the best in our classes at school;
it was in the little details;
and i went for it; all the way;
for me our family was perfect, my parents were better than others, and i was actually second place (my brother being one year older than me).
then, things went down the drain: my parents divorced (all starting with a big fight which i still remember), and my mom went away.
for years after that, my dad continued to be perfect, along with my brother and me;
my mom? i didn't understand it, but it was my brother's and my fault that she left that night; (ofcourse, nobody said that it was our fault: but my father was perfect - so ofcourse he couldn't have caused my mom to run away; and besides, he kept asking us: why didn't you stop her from leaving?!)
at one point my mom started fighting for custody over us; some years after she got it, i started thinking that hey, my dad was not as perfect as i made him out to be.
and then I was dissapointed. so much for striving for perfection ...
well ... enough about my little family drama!
let's look at something else:
it's been said that zen monks used to buy tea cups, then they broke them to pieces and glued them back together; through this, an ordinary tea cup would suddenly become something unique;
when other monks visited the monastery, they drank tea from them, and they would admire the artfull way the cup had been put together again, the uniqueness and perfection of a broken cup.
they achieved perfection in such a common hosehold item and didn't even strive for it; and most of us, would not even see it's perfection (instead we would just walk straight by it).
offtopic sidenote: "it's been said" is just a fancy way for me to say "i don't remember who said that and i don't even know if it's at all true" :)
but it's a nice story anyway
so what can i say about perfection? (i have to say something about it since this is the purpose of my little rant ... )
it's a curse;
i should know: i'm perfect afterall!;
what? don't you belive me?!
it's true! have i ever lied to you?
... on second thought ... don't answer that!
sometimes, that is to say ... a very seldom "sometimes", you go through a party or a night out with friends, or stay with a friend over a glass of wine and chat over ... nothing in particular; and then, you can honestly say it was complete, utmost perfection.
and sometimes you try that, and go to your friend's house and get out the wine, and it's ... just not there!;
maybe perfection is just an idea; something in the eye of the beholder - like beauty ( or a speck of dust :o) )
maybe its a myth; i mean, for example, you speak to your team manager or boss or guy-in-charge (or whatever his title is) and he tells you well, it worked but it's still not perfect. and he doesn't know it (or he does), but what he really wants is for you do do more, not to be perfect;
because perfect (to him) is that you will do what he tells you and that only out of passion for your job, and never ask for a raise, and do overtime just out of dedication!; (ok, i was wrong, maybe he wants you to be perfect :) )
and perfect to you, is that you don't have to do what he tells you, and still get a raise, and have a flexible program, or not have to go to work at all (because while you're in office it's a perfect time for the beach);
probably this guy could have explained it all better, but he's unfortunately very dead :(
nowadays i don't want it to be perfect; and i dont want to have a perfect life; and i don't want the perfect relationship (ok, maybe i do but ... ).
you create this image in your mind on something perfect ... then you strive for it. you see that you can achieve it, (and sometimes you do) but ... it's still not perfect; it could have been better (there's allways place for more).
i have decided that i'm as perfect as i'm going to get; or as imperfect; i'd rather have that chipped look that allows me (or others) to see the underlying perfection more often than not (and allows them to say: you know if not for your little flaw with whatever, you'd have been perfect; or maybe not).
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