Monday, October 31
Sunday, October 30
Friday, October 28
hoooooneeeeey, i'm hooooomeeeee!
don't expect any rocket science in this post because it's past ten in the evening, i've eaten just sporadically, and i switched two planes today. in short, i'm a mess:
tired, dizzy, dehydrated a bit (methinks) and overall exhausted.
but happy
my week-long trip to sharm el sheikh is finished; done; over with.
this means that sometimes tomorrow (now i don't feel up to it) i'll start showing off with fish pictures, coral pictures and reefs pictures; and yeah, maybe some surface pictures also.
untill then,
sayonara!
tired, dizzy, dehydrated a bit (methinks) and overall exhausted.
but happy
my week-long trip to sharm el sheikh is finished; done; over with.
this means that sometimes tomorrow (now i don't feel up to it) i'll start showing off with fish pictures, coral pictures and reefs pictures; and yeah, maybe some surface pictures also.
untill then,
sayonara!
Tuesday, October 18
age of darkness
hey, look at this!
i've gotten smarter!
no, really!
really!
ok, stop laughing!
actually no, i haven't; i read today some posts i had made a few months ago (june or july posts methinks) and was surprised at how ... spirited they were.
i mean ... i was funny (if i do say so myself :)). it's a form of inspiration that i somehow lost.
i'm trying to explain here and i just remembered something i read in Coelho's the alchemist: first, the signs show you the trasure; then, they keep showing it to you more and more often; then, when they see you ignore them at some point they will show you the trasure is lost forever, then they will stop showing themselves to you since you ignored them.
the signs show me it's time to move on.
that ... change feeling ... i see it calling me; and find myself in the position of saying yes or no.
my posts from a while ago were inspired ... and i find it harder and harder to find that inspiration, simply because there's something missing here. i think i know where that something is, but leaving the familiar for the new is somewhat scarry.
but there's still some time to decide; some time to abandon the confort zone.
i've gotten smarter!
no, really!
really!
ok, stop laughing!
actually no, i haven't; i read today some posts i had made a few months ago (june or july posts methinks) and was surprised at how ... spirited they were.
i mean ... i was funny (if i do say so myself :)). it's a form of inspiration that i somehow lost.
i'm trying to explain here and i just remembered something i read in Coelho's the alchemist: first, the signs show you the trasure; then, they keep showing it to you more and more often; then, when they see you ignore them at some point they will show you the trasure is lost forever, then they will stop showing themselves to you since you ignored them.
the signs show me it's time to move on.
that ... change feeling ... i see it calling me; and find myself in the position of saying yes or no.
my posts from a while ago were inspired ... and i find it harder and harder to find that inspiration, simply because there's something missing here. i think i know where that something is, but leaving the familiar for the new is somewhat scarry.
but there's still some time to decide; some time to abandon the confort zone.
happy hunting,
utnapistim
Monday, October 17
something about water
there's something about water ...
something about rain ... and shower and sea and moist air;
i don't know how to put it exactly ...
i went for a dive yesterday morning ... and it was better than before, for a simple reason:
it was close to raining: cloudy sky, winds and all that.
this kind of weather, this close-to-rain atmosphere is charged; electric
then it was raining and i kept my window open;
i also prolonged washing the scuba gear ... just to keep my hands in the water;
and then i felt like going outside, in the rain again;
there's just something about rain ...
something about water ...
something about rain ... and shower and sea and moist air;
i don't know how to put it exactly ...
i went for a dive yesterday morning ... and it was better than before, for a simple reason:
it was close to raining: cloudy sky, winds and all that.
this kind of weather, this close-to-rain atmosphere is charged; electric
then it was raining and i kept my window open;
i also prolonged washing the scuba gear ... just to keep my hands in the water;
and then i felt like going outside, in the rain again;
there's just something about rain ...
something about water ...
Sunday, October 16
Saturday, October 15
do the zen
tomorrow i'll be doing the zen again.
it will be my third and fourth dive with my new regulator.
also, i've attached my dive knife to it.
here's a useless picture of that:
see? it's useless!
it will be my third and fourth dive with my new regulator.
also, i've attached my dive knife to it.
here's a useless picture of that:
see? it's useless!
some call it illusion
there is a "place" of clearness.
... a place where things are clear, well-defined, obvious and, for lack of a better word, weightless ...
i am still looking for the key of this place.
it's there, in my own mind; i know it's there; i get to it accidentally from time to time;
i usually get there when i'm willing to shed all thought; all ideas and all striving to reach ... well ... anything;
it's ironic: the strive for this clear state of being pushes it away from you;
it keeps your mind clouded.
that's why, it is a place that cannot be reached; trying to, in any way, keeps you away.
any kind of effort to reach it keeps you away;
any ... attempt;
any action;
then how does one reach it? one doesn't; i don't know.
to get there you have to let go of all effort ... without making any effort to let go of all effort; in short, it's the easiest path to madnes;
doest this make it the most difficult thing to do?
the most easy?
some call existence in this ... elusive place - liberation; some call it a state without friction; samaddhi; buddha nature; european mystics have called it carpe diem - live in the moment; i call it utmost relaxation; ultimate peace.
the opposite of this state, they call clouded mind (altough clouded is not what could be said since it's the normal state of mind);
different spiritual systems call it different things;
some call it maya and some call it illusion
this is where we are.
utnapistim
... a place where things are clear, well-defined, obvious and, for lack of a better word, weightless ...
i am still looking for the key of this place.
it's there, in my own mind; i know it's there; i get to it accidentally from time to time;
i usually get there when i'm willing to shed all thought; all ideas and all striving to reach ... well ... anything;
it's ironic: the strive for this clear state of being pushes it away from you;
it keeps your mind clouded.
that's why, it is a place that cannot be reached; trying to, in any way, keeps you away.
any kind of effort to reach it keeps you away;
any ... attempt;
any action;
then how does one reach it? one doesn't; i don't know.
a man went to the buddha one day and asked him what to do to attain moksha - to attain liberation;
the buddha said: there is nothing to do; just don't think of the monkeys.
and the man left.
two days later, as the buddha was preparing to leave, the man came running back with a haunted look in his eyes and he told the buddha: i no longer care for liberation. i don't want it; you can have it all for yourself!
just help me get rid of all these stupid monkeys!
to get there you have to let go of all effort ... without making any effort to let go of all effort; in short, it's the easiest path to madnes;
doest this make it the most difficult thing to do?
the most easy?
some call existence in this ... elusive place - liberation; some call it a state without friction; samaddhi; buddha nature; european mystics have called it carpe diem - live in the moment; i call it utmost relaxation; ultimate peace.
the opposite of this state, they call clouded mind (altough clouded is not what could be said since it's the normal state of mind);
different spiritual systems call it different things;
some call it maya and some call it illusion
this is where we are.
utnapistim
Wednesday, October 12
octopus
i don't remember posting this before; it's a picture i took a few months back while visiting malta
Tuesday, October 11
anticlimatic
i had a tensioned day today.
... had to fix my american express account problem;
... and took my bike to the workshop - the rear-wheel was still not working well;
... and had to decide on holiday accomodations;
... and see about an amazon.com order (there wasn't anything hard about that actually);
then i spoke to N ( hello N. :) ) and she brought up something that's been eating me for some time;
half an hour after speaking to her i (sort-of) got past being upset, then someone gave me a casual remark and my whole morale came crashing down for good.
strange how this happens on some days ...
as i was going home i was doing a real effort to keep my morale up;
and then i got a flat tire, so i got to walk home; looking back, it's the best thing that happened all day (and no, i wouldn't have said that as it happened :)).
you know, whenever you do a mechanical, phisical and repetitive activity (like - say - drag your MTB through half limassol) you can get some serious thinking done.
and i thought about what's been eating me ... really thought about it.
so, you know that feeling you get when you suddenly get free? that weight-lifting-off-your-chest thing? your arms and stomach and chest relax suddenly; actually, i think your whole body does; and then, you feel light; and feel that nothing is impossible, and everything is allright;
it's like a dose of ... reality? freshness?;
it's happiness in some way, i guess.
i got that today;
as i arrived home i was smiling for no reason ... and i felt so very releaved; i still am actually, and hope the feeling is here to last.
looking back it was the best day in a long time.
so long,
utnapistim
... had to fix my american express account problem;
... and took my bike to the workshop - the rear-wheel was still not working well;
... and had to decide on holiday accomodations;
... and see about an amazon.com order (there wasn't anything hard about that actually);
then i spoke to N ( hello N. :) ) and she brought up something that's been eating me for some time;
half an hour after speaking to her i (sort-of) got past being upset, then someone gave me a casual remark and my whole morale came crashing down for good.
strange how this happens on some days ...
as i was going home i was doing a real effort to keep my morale up;
and then i got a flat tire, so i got to walk home; looking back, it's the best thing that happened all day (and no, i wouldn't have said that as it happened :)).
you know, whenever you do a mechanical, phisical and repetitive activity (like - say - drag your MTB through half limassol) you can get some serious thinking done.
and i thought about what's been eating me ... really thought about it.
so, you know that feeling you get when you suddenly get free? that weight-lifting-off-your-chest thing? your arms and stomach and chest relax suddenly; actually, i think your whole body does; and then, you feel light; and feel that nothing is impossible, and everything is allright;
it's like a dose of ... reality? freshness?;
it's happiness in some way, i guess.
i got that today;
as i arrived home i was smiling for no reason ... and i felt so very releaved; i still am actually, and hope the feeling is here to last.
looking back it was the best day in a long time.
so long,
utnapistim
Monday, October 10
feeling a change
i feel a change comming;
it's nothing distinct, just ... half a feeling, so to speak;
it's the same feeling i had a few months before coming to cyprus ... before i knew i would travel ... and before everything changed.
it's an indistinct form of something waiting ... within ... or maybe waiting into the future.
it's an indistinct feeling and i'm not sure i'm not making it up.
actually i probably am :)
Edit, three years later: The change is complete. My life turned over (the feeling wasn't made up after all).
may your days bring you fortune and your nights bring you peace,
utnapistim
it's nothing distinct, just ... half a feeling, so to speak;
it's the same feeling i had a few months before coming to cyprus ... before i knew i would travel ... and before everything changed.
it's an indistinct form of something waiting ... within ... or maybe waiting into the future.
it's an indistinct feeling and i'm not sure i'm not making it up.
actually i probably am :)
Edit, three years later: The change is complete. My life turned over (the feeling wasn't made up after all).
may your days bring you fortune and your nights bring you peace,
utnapistim
Friday, October 7
stay-at-home diver
this weekend i'm a stay-at-home diver.
this means the only place i'm going to dive in is the shower :(
maybe it was time for a break;
but it doesn't really matter: tomorrow evening i'll go for a party and sunday ... i'll be probably recovering from the party :D
and it looks like some more time to write code :D
and speaking of code: wednesday i went to a conference for cyprus .net users group. It was a preview of a framework to be integrated into the next version of .NET, and prety interesting.
i might get more involved with .NET: i passed from writing my little diver log in java to writing it in .NET and i've made more progress in three days in .NET than two weeks in java (damn java layers!)
this means the only place i'm going to dive in is the shower :(
maybe it was time for a break;
but it doesn't really matter: tomorrow evening i'll go for a party and sunday ... i'll be probably recovering from the party :D
and it looks like some more time to write code :D
and speaking of code: wednesday i went to a conference for cyprus .net users group. It was a preview of a framework to be integrated into the next version of .NET, and prety interesting.
i might get more involved with .NET: i passed from writing my little diver log in java to writing it in .NET and i've made more progress in three days in .NET than two weeks in java (damn java layers!)
Wednesday, October 5
MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out
MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out: "A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt about a tragedy.
He said, 'I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.'
The grandson asked him, 'Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?'
The grandfather answered, 'The one I feed.'"
He said, 'I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.'
The grandson asked him, 'Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?'
The grandfather answered, 'The one I feed.'"
Tuesday, October 4
running in disguise
i can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people i've met through my life that were not running from the truth; any truth!
besides them (they were three, maybe for), everybody does it.
i do it, you do it, we all do it.
that's fine and i have no problem with that per se.
what i have a problem with is putting down others to run from your truth; dismissing somebody else because you're not able to deal with what he/she is showing you.
and i've heard them all, usually dirrected at me.
i think it started with you're a kid, you don't know what you're talking about coming from my grandfather; i never asked him to explain it to me; just somewhere ... my sense of fairness got bothered by it and i kept silent;
there was also the you're a kid, you don't have problems! every time i was upset or had a problem;
then there was you'll understand when you come to have my experience (experiences are unique and by that not comparable; why not talking when you have my experience?), and we'll talk again after twenty years - then you'll see things my way (hey, guess what: i don't!)
then there was the you don't know what you're talking about thing; you can practically dismiss any argument or reasoning with these words alone!
and two favorites of one of my teachers in university: you don't know it, but <insert obvoius truism here> and when you'll reach my experience you'll see that <some other obvious truism here>.
but my all time favorite is you're so naive!; i don't mean it as a way of arguing; not you're naive if you think that bla bla bla; i mean just telling someone that he's naive and leaving it at that.
i mean ... congratulations! you brought something constructive to the discussion and gave some usefull information!
sheesh!
it's not about disagreeing with someone; i'm not talking (well ... writing) about that;
it's about putting someone down; when he or she has an obvious illusion one can simply point it out; tha't fine; it's constructive!
but when you find yourself in the position of having no remaining arguments?
Come on!
calling the other the naive one (or the deluded one or saying he lacks the experience or ... take your pick) ... that's actually not saying anything about the other;
if anything it's saying something about you; it's a form of censorship: it just points out to the world that your claim to truth is so weak that it supports no public scrutiny.
i mean ... if you feel what another is saying or doing is naive, then you're not going to 'enlighten' anyone by you don't know what' you're saying; if you tell yourself you're helping anyone by calling somebody naive to his face just to silence him then you're lying to yourself through your teeth;
you're doing nothing else but attacking the person when you cannot attack his/her ideas;
it's
bad
form;
and if it shows anything, it's about your character, not another's ideas, thoughts or values;
so, why did i write this?
as our managers say to any question asked during a presentation:
this is a good question;
one reason is that i have a habbit of going through my older posts from time to time and i wanted to remember this ...
i also wanted to rant a bit about it, since somebody told me in a conversation a few days ago that i'm so naive!; i went over it in my head and coudn't pinpoint what was bothering me about it.
now i know and i didn't want to forget my reasoning.
anyway, it's late, i got it out of my system, and i have better things to do at this point then ranting on the friggin' internet ...
i'm going to sleep
besides them (they were three, maybe for), everybody does it.
i do it, you do it, we all do it.
that's fine and i have no problem with that per se.
what i have a problem with is putting down others to run from your truth; dismissing somebody else because you're not able to deal with what he/she is showing you.
and i've heard them all, usually dirrected at me.
i think it started with you're a kid, you don't know what you're talking about coming from my grandfather; i never asked him to explain it to me; just somewhere ... my sense of fairness got bothered by it and i kept silent;
there was also the you're a kid, you don't have problems! every time i was upset or had a problem;
then there was you'll understand when you come to have my experience (experiences are unique and by that not comparable; why not talking when you have my experience?), and we'll talk again after twenty years - then you'll see things my way (hey, guess what: i don't!)
then there was the you don't know what you're talking about thing; you can practically dismiss any argument or reasoning with these words alone!
and two favorites of one of my teachers in university: you don't know it, but <insert obvoius truism here> and when you'll reach my experience you'll see that <some other obvious truism here>.
but my all time favorite is you're so naive!; i don't mean it as a way of arguing; not you're naive if you think that bla bla bla; i mean just telling someone that he's naive and leaving it at that.
i mean ... congratulations! you brought something constructive to the discussion and gave some usefull information!
sheesh!
it's not about disagreeing with someone; i'm not talking (well ... writing) about that;
it's about putting someone down; when he or she has an obvious illusion one can simply point it out; tha't fine; it's constructive!
but when you find yourself in the position of having no remaining arguments?
Come on!
calling the other the naive one (or the deluded one or saying he lacks the experience or ... take your pick) ... that's actually not saying anything about the other;
if anything it's saying something about you; it's a form of censorship: it just points out to the world that your claim to truth is so weak that it supports no public scrutiny.
i mean ... if you feel what another is saying or doing is naive, then you're not going to 'enlighten' anyone by you don't know what' you're saying; if you tell yourself you're helping anyone by calling somebody naive to his face just to silence him then you're lying to yourself through your teeth;
you're doing nothing else but attacking the person when you cannot attack his/her ideas;
it's
bad
form;
and if it shows anything, it's about your character, not another's ideas, thoughts or values;
so, why did i write this?
as our managers say to any question asked during a presentation:
this is a good question;
one reason is that i have a habbit of going through my older posts from time to time and i wanted to remember this ...
i also wanted to rant a bit about it, since somebody told me in a conversation a few days ago that i'm so naive!; i went over it in my head and coudn't pinpoint what was bothering me about it.
now i know and i didn't want to forget my reasoning.
anyway, it's late, i got it out of my system, and i have better things to do at this point then ranting on the friggin' internet ...
i'm going to sleep
Sunday, October 2
the simplest form of trance
"i thought it wasn't real!"
"it's real to the mind."
from Matrix, the movie
Hypnosis (as we know it) is a term derived from the greek hypnos which means (or meant at some point) simply sleep.
the term was coined some years ago (one and a half centuries, give or take a few) by some physician who was following the steps defined by a mr Mesmer.
but who cares about that?
i started thinking about this post while coming back from today's diving, as i noticed the following:
after a day of diving i find myself both relaxed and tired; this means that usually sometimes on the way back i fall asleep; today though, i didn't want to do it.
since i was still tired, i closed my eyes and started imagining; i don't remember at the moment what it was i was imagining ( and no, it wasn't sex you single-minded dolt :) ), but i do know i lost track of the real world;
as i came back some twenty minutes later i realized that i hadn't been asleep and i hadn't been really awake either; the music in the car had kept on running and i had kept on hearing it all along; i was conscious during that time, but not really awake ...
... and that is the simplest form of trance; call it self-hypnosis if you like.
it's not the first time i went through it either: i've done it before just to avoid getting bored ...
once in highschool i did this during a break for a few minutes and remembered a park i used to go in as a kid; when i 'came back' i could still smell the leaves from that park and could almost hear them;
this is a natural form of trance; there are LD techniques that use the same setup, asking one to wake up after six hours of sleep:
this way the body is still tired (since it needs eight hours of sleep) but the mind can remain awake (since the mind only requires six hours of rest).
this leads to the same situation: mind awake, body tired.
maybe i should play with this some more, see where it leads, should it lead to anything (though i'm not too keen of waking up after six hours of sleep just to play with my mind :( ).
if i get anywhere i probably won't be able to resist blogging about it.
see you around people!
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