Tuesday, August 26

the same

Each perception is unique and we often perceive others through the prism of their projected qualities and defects.

That is, we have a (more or less) clear idea of things we like and don't like, and use it to look at other people, through it. We don't see what others are, just the things we admire in ourselves - reflected in them, and things we are afraid to admire in ourselves - reflected from them back to us. We call these qualities and defects, and the process of doing so, is usually called judgment.

I've been struggling with this as of late, as there is one person that causes a somewhat strong reaction in me. That is, there is one person I keep having a mental dialog with, one person I keep seeing as twisted, one person I cannot bring myself to accept, to let them be.

I've been trying to stop this, repeatedly with little or no success, as (in the abstract) I realize that nobody can be that evil;

I've told myself for a while now, that any issues I have with others, I have with myself, that any conflict I have with another, I must first deal with within myself. yet this only lead me on a fast road, to nowhere.

Then, yesterday I realized that there is no fundamental difference between us. He's not stronger, cannot dominate, cannot impose, cannot lie, cannot give me my reality, unless I allow him to: whatever he does I can undo, whatever view he has is his view and not mine, whatever power he has I also have.
On the other side, whatever quality I have he also does, whatever deeply-human issue I struggle with he also encountered, or if he didn't he will. Just give it time.

I was just demonizing him somehow.

In the end, we just deal with it differently and that's all there is to it.

We are all the same.


gec said...

aye... but the road does lead somewhere, you just didn't follow it long enough.

you told yourself that the issues with others are your own, and must be dealt with within, BUT, did you actually deal with those issues? that's when the path becomes clear

Good luck!

utnapistim said...

It's easy to say "deal with it" ... when you (well ... when I) start doing it though, it takes time (and confronting things you don't want to, ans perseverance).

That's why it lead me nowhere.

Saying "deal with it" is not helpful. Changing your point of reference works though.

That's what this post was about (I guess).

Come to think about it, maybe every time you get stuck in an idea/frame of mind, to "get unstuck" you have to change your point of reference.

utnapistim said...

... and thanks :)